The Stigma Surrounding Wearing Diapers for Bedwetting - Further Thoughts

The stigma surrounding older children and adolescents wearing diapers to manage their bedwetting also carries over to adults that experience nighttime accidents. I have several theories about why there’s so much shame attached to older children, teenagers, and adults wearing diapers to manage their bedwetting. What's puzzling to me is that it seems that most medical professionals and the public seem to have no issue with the use of diapers with special needs children, developmentally delayed children and adults, the elderly, and patients suffering from neurodegenerative disorders such as Alzheimer's, multiple sclerosis, dementia, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, Parkinson's, and similar diseases, but discourage the use of diapers among bedwetting children past the age of 4. I have a theory as to why this might be the case: individuals in the aforementioned groups typically have severely diminished cognitive and physical capacities, which can render them helpless just like an infant in some instances. 

I've worked with special ed children in the school system and many of these children are cognitively and physically at the level of an infant. Since these groups of patients and students are at that stage, it's considered socially acceptable for them to wear a diaper. On the other hand, it is strongly felt that children, teenagers, and adults who wet the bed, and do not have severe mental and/or physical handicaps should only wear underwear style products such as “Goodnites” instead. I'm not against parents using this style of protective garment on their bedwetting children, and if they work for them that's great. But they don't work for everybody. For some individuals, pull-ups such as “Goodnites” do not provide adequate protection, and parents should be informed of the other options available to protect their children at night.

So the question remains, where did this stigma originate? I suspect more than likely it stems from parents' attitudes during the potty training stage. This tends to be a frustrating time for many parents, and there are some parents who try to transition their child out of diapers by shaming them into using the potty. They do this by saying things such as “Don't you want to wear big boy/girl pants like Mom or Dad?”, or “Only babies wear diapers.” Personally, I find this practice reprehensible.

Then there’s the commercial for Huggies pull-ups whose tagline is “I’m a big kid now.” The implication is that only babies wear diapers. As with other things, we're programmed to believe this and this follows us throughout our lives. Even if we need these products when we're an older child, teenager, or adult, we remember this programming and we feel “babyish” wearing these garments, even though deep down inside we know we're only wearing them because we have a medical problem and using them is not a reflection of our maturity. 

In fact, it could be argued that we're acting more mature by wearing diapers to bed because we're taking responsibility for managing the problem, which is what adults do. In my opinion our attitudes in this area is a perfect example of what the philosopher John Stuart Mill calls “the tyranny of opinion.”

Another theory I have for why parents cast aspersions on those individuals that need or choose to wear diapers to manage their bedwetting is that the parents themselves may feel embarrassed about it. It's such a competitive world out there and parents feel pressured to do anything they can to help their child get a leg up on the competition. Having a child or adolescent in diapers may make them feel the child or teen is not “up to snuff." These parents may then feel ashamed:  “What would my neighbors or friends think if they find out my teenager still needs to wear diapers to bed? I hope I don't forget to take the plastic pants down from the clothesline before they come over! So much for going to Harvard!”       

Custom and fashion also influence our choice of how we manage incontinence. Custom and fashion are key factors in our lives ‒ they dictate a lot of our behaviors. For example, there was an old-fashioned custom that said that it's inappropriate to wear white clothing after labor day. The author Stanley Schmidt talks about the influence of custom and fashion in an editorial of his called “Signs of Respect.”  In this editorial he discussed something he calls “phantom tyrants." According to Schmidt, “These are impersonal forces that presumably originate with identifiable actions by individual people but then take on a life of their own and continue to dictate people's behavior whether or not any individual would independently choose them. We commonly know them by such names as “custom” or “fashion.” One example of a “phantom tyrant” he mentions is the custom of men taking off their hats upon entering a building. I feel that the expectation that people are supposed to stop wearing diapers for bedwetting after the age of 4 is a perfect example of a “phantom tyrant.”      

In tandem with custom and fashion there are ingrained attitudes about various milestones (both cognitive and physical) in a person's life. We tend to have certain preconceived notions about our child's growth process, and if they deviate from that in the slightest we become alarmed. For example, children should talk by a certain age, they should read by a certain age, they should walk by a certain age. While it is true that we should have reasonable parameters established for these situations in order to rule out the possibility of cognitive and/or physical problems, the same reasoning shouldn't be applied in my opinion to the use of  pin-on cloth diapers covered with plastic pants or disposable diapers with tape tabs for the management of bedwetting in older children, teenagers, and adults.  

Besides cognitive and physical milestones there are also numerous social milestones in a person's life. Most cultures have certain expectations of when we're supposed to achieve certain things: we're supposed to get a driver's license by a certain age,  or we're supposed to graduate from high school by a certain age. Nowhere are our cultural expectations more entrenched than with bedwetting and diaper use, and if a person needs diapers past the age that is considered socially acceptable by most people, we instill in them the idea that they should feel ashamed.       

It's very puzzling to me how we are inundated with the most shocking and outrageous stuff on daytime talk shows and news programs and don't bat an eye. Plus, as a society we've become more tolerant in many ways and have broken many taboos, but for some reason an older child, teenager, or adult that needs to wear a diaper for bedwetting is appalling to most people.        

One way we can alleviate or eliminate the stigma surrounding wearing diapers for bedwetting is to change the definition of diaper: an absorbent, waterproof, protective undergarment made of either reusable or disposable material that is drawn up between the legs and fastened at the waist by tape tabs, diaper pins, or other methods. It is designed to be used for several purposes: for managing episodes of incontinence experienced by babies and young children before they are potty trained; for providing protection for children, teenagers, and adults that suffer from incontinence due to various medical conditions; as well as providing protection for children, teenagers, and adults that wet the bed.

Another way to accomplish this is to have celebrities and talk show hosts discuss this. This would be a perfect topic to have Oprah talk about. Comedians are well known for breaking taboos and Sarah Silverman did this with bedwetting with her book The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee. In fact, in one section of the book she mentions that she had to wear diapers to bed on a camping trip when she was 13 years old. Another comedian who I think would do a good job discussing this issue is Rita Rudner. In her book, I Still Have It...I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething, she talks about the various issues people deal with in their fifties. As the Amazon description says: “Rudner tackles body issues, style, and technology, and looks at the wonders and surprises of life on the dark side of 50.” With her intelligence, wit, and grace, she would be the perfect person to talk about this in a funny, warm-hearted manner.                

The bottom line is this: We need to be more pragmatic about this whole issue. This means we should stop hiding from the reality of the situation and refrain from manufacturing and marketing incontinence products that look “cool," “aesthetically pleasing," or “fashionable.” One way this manifests itself is the design of some of the products manufactured for older children that wet the bed – for example in the stores they have “Goodnites” with superheroes on them, and one company now makes adult size diapers in “bold blue, dynamic green, and soft purple.” One person in an ad for “Always Discreet Boutique Underwear” has the following to say: “I never thought I'd say this, but I found bladder leak underwear that's actually pretty.” By trying to gussy up these products it sends the message that bedwetting and other types of urinary incontinence are something to be ashamed of.          

I think the chief reason for manufacturing these products is to make the user feel “dignified.” Personally, I don't care how the products look or if people consider them “undignified” as long as I get a good night's sleep. In my opinion, it's more “undignified” (not to mention uncomfortable) waking up in urine-soaked nightclothes and bedding. In my case, going to bed all diapered up is the most practical solution.

I find pin-on style prefold cloth diapers with plastic pants (or “rubber pants”) worn over top as well as disposable diapers with tape tabs to be the most effective methods for keeping my bed dry. We should focus on how well the products are at providing protection, instead of making the products “socially acceptable.” I feel it's high time we be more sensible and realistic about this whole situation and view diapers no differently than other forms of medical equipment such as eyeglasses, hearing aids, wheelchairs, asthma inhalers, or insulin pumps.

As a society we've become more tolerant and accepting of a wide variety of health problems and other issues, and celebrities such as Oprah talk about many taboo topics and bring them to light so people will be more accepting of them. For some reason though, the public just can't or won't come to terms with an older child, teenager, or adult wearing a diaper to manage their bedwetting. I think it's heartbreaking that the public has this attitude because it causes undue suffering for those who wet the bed. Because of the stigma attached to wearing diapers, many people are reluctant to wear garments that can provide comfort for them as well as make cleanup a lot easier for everyone concerned.       

I've read scores of childcare books, newspaper columns and articles, as well as online articles for over 30 years on this topic, and can probably count on one hand the number of medical professionals who feel it's okay to use diapers to manage an older child, teen, or adult's bedwetting. Since these people are the “gatekeepers” for the dissemination of this information, I think they need to take a more balanced view of this matter. I also think that it's shameful that so many parenting experts and medical professionals proselytize the viewpoint that “only babies wear diapers.”  These people should know better in my opinion; it does a great disservice to those whose only option is to wear diapers to bed, and is very demoralizing and disheartening to denigrate them in this fashion.  And of course the public latches on to this view, the result being they also perpetuate the idea that diapers are “babyish.”  T. Berry Brazelton is one pediatrician who has taken a more relaxed view of this situation and here's what he told one reader who wrote in about this topic: “I've had many  children in my practice who were enuretic (bedwetters) and needed to wear diapers.”     

I hope my thoughts in this area help those children, teenagers, and adults who may be having a difficult time coping with their bedwetting and help them realize that there's no shame in wearing “big boy” or “big girl” diapers to deal with the issue. I also think it's important to have a sense of humor about it. For instance, if you wear cloth diapers and plastic pants to manage your bedwetting, one way you can find the situation amusing is by looking at your night gear and saying to yourself: “These look just like Paul Bunyan's baby clothes; here's his diapers and here's his baby pants!” You can use the same joke if you're wearing adult size disposable diapers: “These look just like the Pampers Paul Bunyan would wear!”

I hope this post has been informative and has cheered up those people who may feel depressed and ashamed about having to wear diapers to bed. Just remember there are plenty of us in the same leaky boat, and diapers are the best way to patch the boat up and keep it from sinking!

Diapers and Dignity

One of the things that seems to be mentioned frequently when discussing the use of diapers to manage bedwetting (as well as other forms of incontinence) is the concept of dignity.  A large number of individuals feel embarrassed about wearing diapers and think that wearing them is “undignified.” I think these people are missing the mark in a significant way. One of the ways people feel a sense of worth and self-esteem is by having a sense of control over their lives, by having the capabilities and resources to handle challenges we encounter throughout our lives, and by taking the appropriate measures to deal with those challenges when they arise.    

The authors of the article “The Concept of Dignity and Its Use in End-of-Life Debates in England and France” from the Cambridge Quarterly of Healthcare Ethics cite a 2002 report from the Nuffield Council on Bioethics regarding the concept of dignity. According to the report “an essential ingredient in the conception of human dignity is the presumption that one is a person whose actions, thoughts, and concerns are worthy of intrinsic respect, because they have been chosen, organized, and guided in a way which makes sense from a distinctly individual point of view.” The journal made the following comment regarding this concept of dignity: “According to this definition, a person’s intrinsic worth, and hence dignity, stems from his or her capacity for autonomy and self-determination.” Merriam Webster defines self-determination as “the freedom to make your own choices.” 

Psychology Today has an insightful article about dignity entitled “What Is the Real Meaning of Dignity?” Here are some quotes from the article: 

• “Dignity is our inherent value and worth as human beings; everyone is born with it.”
• “The glue that holds all our relationships together is the mutual recognition of the desire to be seen, heard, listened to, and treated fairly; to be recognized, understood, and to feel safe in the world. When our identity is accepted and we feel included, we are granted a sense of freedom and independence and a life filled with hope and possibility.” 

If we examine the comments from both of the articles cited above we come to the following conclusions. First, there’s the idea that autonomy and self-determination play a critical role in the concept of dignity. How this ties in with the use of diapers to manage bedwetting is this: our choice to use diapers to manage our bedwetting is a manifestation of both autonomy and self-determination (the ability to make our own choices). As people who wet the bed, by choosing to wear diapers to manage our bedwetting regardless of the stigma surrounding using diapers, we are exercising both autonomy and self-determination. Hence, we are acting in a dignified manner. 

Now let’s look at some of the comments from the Psychology Today article. According to the definition of dignity in that article, our value and worth as human beings are not diminished by what health problems we have or how we manage them. We don’t feel that an individual that has to use insulin for diabetes lacks dignity; we don’t feel that a person who has to use a wheelchair due to various diseases lacks dignity; we don’t feel that a person who has to use a pacemaker lacks dignity; we don’t feel that a person who has to wear glasses lacks dignity. These are all health problems that need to be managed by using the appropriate equipment and have nothing to do with a person’s inherent sense of self-worth. In my opinion the same reasoning should be applied to a person who needs to wear a diaper to manage their bedwetting.

That said, I think it’s important to return to the second quote from the Psychology Today article. People who use diapers for bedwetting are treated in an undignified manner. They are not “seen, heard, listened to, and treated fairly;” they are not “recognized, understood;” they are not able “to feel safe in the world.” Their identity is not “accepted” and they do not feel “included.” It’s my hope that people will reevaluate their preconceived notions in this area so we can get to a point where this is no longer the case.

Health problems are one of the things that people have to contend with in the course of their lives. Different problems require different solutions. In the case of problems such as bedwetting, there are a multitude of reasons a person may wet the bed. The National Association of Continence (NAFC)  has this to say regarding the various causes for bedwetting: “People struggle with this condition for all sorts of reasons ‒ spinal cord injuries, neurological diseases, and even stress can cause bedwetting.”     

According to Web MD, sleep apnea, deformities of the bladder or urinary tract, diabetes and urinary tract infections, can also cause bedwetting. Some people have been cured of their bedwetting using  surgical interventions, medication, bedwetting alarms, and other methods. Unfortunately, there are some people who wet the bed their entire lives. In a situation like that, the prudent thing to do is wear some form of protection to bed, and diapers tend to be the most effective form of protection to manage heavy forms of urinary incontinence such as bedwetting.

As mentioned, having a sense of control over your life tends to give you a sense of dignity. Using the appropriate medical equipment in certain circumstances provides that control. In the case of bedwetting, diapers are the form of medical equipment that is necessary in some circumstances. I wear both adult size cloth diapers fastened with diaper pins and covered with a pair of adult size pull-on plastic pants (or “rubber pants”) as well as disposable tape tab style diapers, and even though most people feel these products are “undignified,” they are the products that work best for me. Many other individuals also find these products very effective for managing heavier forms of incontinence such as bedwetting. 

Unfortunately, our society is very image conscious – we are constantly being bombarded by ads and other media telling us how to “be and look cool” and how to be and look “glamorous.” Whether it's celebrities on the red carpet, television and movie stars, musicians, or ads for makeup, clothing, and perfume, we are consumed with this idea. We are constantly being bombarded by messages from celebrities suggesting “if we wear this” or “listen to that,” we're “cool.” Social media is also a culprit in this area. What it boils down to is this: bedwetting and diapers are not something that are talked about by most celebrities and media figures because they're not glamorous things to talk about. They're not “sexy.” Sarah Silverman is one brave soul who was upfront about her bedwetting and how she had to wear diapers to bed as late as 13 years old. Hopefully this will open the door for other people (including celebrities) to have the courage to be more upfront about this topic.      

As a society we're too focused on image, and while I'm not against glamour and beauty per se, I think we let these factors drive our thinking way too much. Who cares if diapers aren't “sexy,” “cool,” or “glamorous”? If you wet the bed, you should use them, because it's much less “glamorous” and “sexy” (not to mention uncomfortable) waking up in urine-soaked nightclothes and bedding. And if you have a partner, you want to show consideration for them by wearing a diaper to bed so they don't suffer collateral damage from your bedwetting. After all, I'm sure they won't find it “sexy” or “glamorous” to wake up wet either. 

I think we need to be more upfront about this topic and have a sense of humor about it. This will go a long way to alleviating (and hopefully eliminating it entirely) the stigma of an older child, teenager, and adult wearing a diaper to bed.                

How to Tell Your Partner You Wet the Bed

Most adults with bedwetting problems wear protection at night to maintain comfort, hygiene, and make cleanup easier. Some of these individuals feel ashamed about having to wear adult diapers to bed. This can be particularly embarrassing for those who wear disposable tape tab style diapers as they have to deal with the tell-tale crinkling sound the diaper makes as they move around, caused by the plastic outer cover of the diaper. The embarrassment of wearing diapers to manage bedwetting, however, can be overcome with the support and understanding of loved ones, and using the tips mentioned in this post can help with gaining their support.               

Many adults in these circumstances are reluctant to get intimate with their significant other for fear their partner will reject them when they find out they wet the bed and have to wear protection every night. This can be a nerve-racking prospect for most people, but there are ways to make it easier to have a conversation about it. 

I’m offering some suggestions for some things you can say to your partner to break the news of your bedwetting and the use of protection in a playful, lighthearted way. Before saying these things to your loved one it's good to lay some groundwork – this includes setting aside an appropriate amount of time to discuss the issue with them as well as having an icebreaker to start the conversation. 

You might begin the conversation by saying, “We've been seeing each other for a long time and I care for you very much. There's something I need to tell you and I was wondering if we could sit down and talk for a bit. I wanted to talk about this many times before but felt too embarrassed to bring it up. This is very difficult to talk about so bear with me. I have a health problem that I've been dealing with since I was a child and I'd like to discuss it with you.” 

If these preliminary remarks land well with your partner, you can follow them by saying something like what I’ve provided below. 

• “I have a medical condition called nocturnal enuresis, which is the clinical term for bedwetting. I manage it by wearing adult size diapers to bed every night. It's like having a rainstorm in my bed every night – in fact I predict there's going to be flash floods tonight so I better put on my diapers before going to bed. As you can see I've managed to keep my sense of humor about it and I hope this doesn't affect your feelings toward me.”
  
  

• “I wanted to let you know that I wet the bed every night. To manage it I wear adult diapers to bed – it's either that or wear a raincoat to bed.
  
  

• “Every night I have a problem with wetting the bed. As a result, I'm in the wetness protection program – I wear diapers and plastic pants every night to protect the bed.
  
  

• “I wet the bed every night and wear adult size disposable diapers to manage it. This is the best way to deal with the issue ‒ the only alternative is to buy flood insurance. The nighttime attire I have to wear to bed are adult size versions of the Pampers the babies wear – the reason I'm mentioning this is that I wanted to give you an idea of what the products look like beforehand so you're not surprised.”

I realize that you probably feel terrified at the thought of divulging this secret, but if you and your loved one have a strong relationship and if the person is a loving, caring person, more than likely it will not affect their feelings for you.        

As you can see from my suggestions above, I’m recommending you use some amount of humor to address the situation. But before you decide on that approach, you should consider your personal style and that of your partner. Do what makes you (and them!) comfortable.

How to Try a Reward System to Help Children and Teens to Feel Less Embarrassed About Wearing Diapers to Bed

If the parents have exhausted all avenues at curing the bedwetting, the youngster should wear protection to bed for a number of reasons. First, it's important to wear protection in order to maintain an appropriate level of hygiene – it's not healthy for the skin to lie all night in wet clothing and bedding. In the article “Prevention of Incontinence-Associated Dermatitis in Nursing Home Residents” published in the Annals of Long-Term Care: Clinical Care and Aging, Della Lambert, a nurse certified in wound, ostomy, and continence nursing, had this to say: “Ammonia in urine is caustic, making the skin susceptible to breakdown”. By wearing protective garments to bed there's less exposure of the skin to urine. Wearing protective garments coupled with a good skin care regimen can prevent the skin damage resulting from long term exposure to urine. Second, it makes cleanup easier – wearing overnight diapers reduces or eliminates the wet laundry resulting from nighttime accidents. Third, it eliminates the urine odor accompanying wet beds. Finally, it's uncomfortable waking up in a cold, wet bed, especially in wintertime.

Even though there are a number of advantages of wearing diapers for bedwetting, more than likely an older child or teenager won't take such an objective and detached view of the situation and will balk at wearing protection. Parents and their child or teen frequently butt heads and don't see eye-to-eye over numerous things: curfews, what type of clothing they find appropriate, bed times, eating their vegetables, etc. Many parents are reluctant to go down this route because they dread the prospect of the nightly battles they'll have to endure getting their youngster to put their diaper on. There is a way though that this problem can be eliminated by using a reward system and this chapter discusses this idea.                  

Most children and teenagers are embarrassed about discussing this issue so it's important that you be discreet about it and approach this subject in a sensitive manner that respects their feelings and allows them to retain their dignity. You can say something along these lines: “I'd like to talk to you about something. I understand you may feel embarrassed discussing this, but I can't stress this enough ‒ this is nothing to be ashamed of  – there are plenty of people all over the world in all age groups (including many adults) who also have this problem. As you've guessed by now, I'm talking about your nighttime accidents. I realize how unpleasant it must be waking up in a cold, yucky, wet bed and I want to take some steps to make you feel more comfortable and secure. I'd like to try a little experiment – I think it'd be a good idea for you to wear protection to bed. There are diapers available in your size and I'd like for you to wear them. The reason we’re having you wear a diaper to bed is that we’ve tried various methods to cure your bedwetting and they haven’t worked. I've come up with an idea for a reward system which I think might make wearing the diapers easier and even fun. I can see that you’re anxious about this but just hear me out.”

“Here's how the system will work. I want you to choose three things that you really like – things like toys, books, and other stuff along those lines and rank them in the following way – your favorite item, your second favorite item, and your third favorite item. Once you pick them I'll purchase them – these will be presents you'll receive for wearing the diapers. If you wear the diapers to bed for at least 7 days you'll receive your third favorite present, if you wear them to bed 8 to 29 days you'll receive your second favorite present, and if you wear the diapers to bed for the entire month you'll receive your favorite present.” The child or teenager doesn't have to wear the diapers consecutively – for example the youngster may skip some nights but still wear them 7 days total that particular month, and they'll still earn the present you both agreed on for wearing them that number of days. It would be a good idea to set up a chart in their room so both of you can monitor their progress.                      

I would add the following: “You probably feel that you're too old to be wearing diapers, that diapers are just for babies, but I suggest you  look at it in the following manner ‒ it's more babyish if you don't wear a diaper to bed. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for managing  the various problems we encounter throughout our lives, this includes different health problems. In some cases we may not prefer the options available to handle these problems, but as adults we learn how to adjust and make the best of the situation. By wearing the diapers to bed you're demonstrating how mature you are because you're taking care of the problem in a responsible, adult manner. As I said there are people of all ages – including many adults ‒ who wet the bed and most people with bedwetting problems wear diapers to make them feel more comfortable and secure in addition to making cleanup easier.”

“You may feel embarrassed about wearing diapers to bed, but this is a common feeling and it will go away over time - some  adults with bedwetting problems are embarrassed about wearing them as well and they also have difficulty adapting to wearing diapers to bed. Eventually though, they get used to wearing them. In fact, there's a website where adults with bedwetting problems share their thoughts and feelings about living with bedwetting, discuss their experiences dealing with bedwetting, as well as talk about how they cope with the problem.  One man, who's 29, described how he felt about having to wear a diaper to bed. He said that he was also anxious about wearing the diaper at first, but he got used to it over time and now he wouldn't even think of going to bed without it on ‒ he feels it's much better wearing a diaper because he gets a good night's sleep and he avoids having to launder bedding and clothing.  Later on we'll go to the website and read about how he copes with wearing diapers overnight.”  

I would also explain the advantages of wearing diapers to bed. As mentioned at the outset of this chapter, there are several reasons for wearing diapers to bed:  you wake up nice and dry, there's less laundry to take care of, it prevents  the skin damage that can occur from lying all night in wet bedding and clothing,  and it prevents the smell of urine from permeating the room. According to an NAFC (National Association for Continence) article, “Bedrooms can pick up a urine smell even if parents take care of wet beds promptly”. By wearing the diapers to bed you avoid the urine smell entirely.                

It may be necessary to experiment with the system and tweak it a bit depending on the circumstances –  children and teenagers have different interests and tastes and the reward system will have to be tailored to those tastes, specifically regarding what presents to choose for the reward system. For instance one child or teenager may like books the most, video games second, and clothing may be their third favorite. One youngster may have a hobby such as painting or sketching and you can get them art supplies. Some children or teenagers may want a particular phone such as an iPhone or a Samsung Galaxy. If the parent or parents’ finances permit, I would make this a part of the reward system, but make it the present they can earn for wearing the diapers to bed the whole month. These are just some ideas – it's good to be creative in this situation.     

In order for the reward system to be effective it's important that you let them choose things they really like. I would try this system for a month and see how it goes. If at that point the child or teenager feels comfortable wearing the diapers to bed you won't need to use the reward system anymore. If they haven't you can try it for another month, then a third month, etc. – every person is different. It could take several months  for them to feel completely comfortable putting their diapers on before going to bed. After a suitable amount of time, however, the child or teen should get acclimated to wearing the protection at night and view wearing the diapers as just a normal part of their bedtime routine – no different than brushing their teeth before going to bed. 

The reward system should be supplemented with verbal encouragement as well ‒ “We're really proud of you for giving this a shot. I know it's no fun wearing them but just remember there are plenty of adults all over the world who wet the bed and they also need to wear diapers at night. And just think of the advantages of wearing them – you'll wake up to a nice, dry, bed, they'll be less laundry to do, wearing them is more hygienic than lying all night in wet bedding and pj's, and you'll spend less time in the morning washing up ‒ many children, teenagers, and adults that wet the bed take showers in the morning and by wearing protection to bed you won't have to spend as much time on clean up – you’ll just have to clean up around the diaper area.  Plus, you can make wearing the protection fun and challenging by viewing the reward system as a game or contest ‒ the rules of the contest are wearing the protection to bed, and the prizes you'll win by following the rules are the various presents you'll receive.”  

I would also add something like the following to reinforce how pleased you are that they're giving the reward system a shot – “We're really proud of you for wearing the diapers to bed and you're making great progress. Let's look at the chart. Wow! You've worn them 20 days this month – that's spectacular! I know you've gotten frustrated on some nights and didn't put your diapers on, but that's okay. You've gotten some nice presents and we're very proud of you for sticking this out. Do you think you can wear them for 10 more days? As I’ve said before, I realize that it’s no fun wearing diapers, but if you can wear them for 10 more days you'll receive the iPhone you've always wanted.  Let's shoot for that – I know you can do this. You've come so far and have worked so hard, I don't want you to give up now.”

There are several other ways a parent can encourage an older child or teenager to wear diapers to bed. One way is to get them to look at the diaper as a dam and the bed as a city – the dam (in this case the diaper) keeps the city (in this case the bed) from getting flooded. They can also pretend they're a superhero and the diapers give them special powers – in this case the power to keep their bed dry. A third way is to compare the diaper to a band aid – both are used for hygienic purposes as well as keeping off fluids from various surfaces. The diaper is a band aid for the bladder. Just like a regular band aid it helps the wearer maintain hygiene and it keeps fluids off various surfaces – in this case it prevents urine from getting on the bed. A fourth way to encourage the youngster is to get them to look at the diapers the same way they would a raincoat, a rainsuit, or an umbrella – all of these items are used to keep a person dry and comfortable. This analogy is particularly fitting if they're wearing cloth diapers and plastic pants. Finally, you can tell them that wearing a diaper is no different than wearing glasses or braces for the teeth – although it may be a bit awkward and uncomfortable at first, over time the person gets used to wearing them.     

You can also add some humor to the mix. There are several things you can say - “Another good reason for wearing the diapers is that if you don't wear them, it'll be like Niagra Falls in your bed”, “Wearing the diapers to bed will prevent you from waking up with a rainbow in the room,” “If you don't wear the diapers and plastic pants you'll have to wear a life preserver or life jacket to bed”, “We think wearing adult size Pampers is the best option – that way you don't have to wear a raincoat to bed.” These are just some of the things you can say to add a little levity to the situation. Some of the ideas mentioned in chapter 5 of this book (about ways to tell a significant other you have to wear a diaper to bed) are also applicable to this situation. I think it would be a good idea to have your child or teen look them over – reading them should make them feel more at ease and put them in a better mood about the whole situation.                 

Some children or teenagers may resist wearing diapers because they feel you're using them to punish or humiliate them. I've heard and read about some parents using diapers as a form of punishment. I find this practice reprehensible and consider it a form of child abuse plain and simple. It's important that you assure them that you are not having them wear diapers to punish and/or humiliate them. Any concerns must be addressed by the parents and you need to reassure them that the only reason you're putting them back in diapers is to keep them dry, comfortable, and secure, to protect the bed, as well as for hygienic purposes. I think this reward system can be a very effective tool to help young people adjust to wearing protection to bed. In order for it to be effective though, the parents and their older child or teenager must stick with it.   

At this point many parents are asking the following question – “how long should we use the system?” The goal of the system is to get to a point where the child or teenager is wearing their diapers to bed every night. Since each youngster is different there are a number of different scenarios that could occur. There could be a child or teen that wears their diaper the whole month at the beginning and the next month they skip a few nights. Or you could have a situation where it’s the exact opposite – the child or teen skips a few nights the first month and wears the diapers to bed every night the second month. Or you could have a child or teen that wears the diapers to bed for two whole months straight and then the next month they skip a few nights. As you can see there are multiple ways this could play out. One way to proceed is to stop the rewards after the youngster wears the diapers to bed for a whole month straight.  If the next month they skip wearing the diapers a few nights I would implement the reward system again. I would proceed like this for 6 months. By that time I would think that the youngster should get used to wearing their diaper to bed, however if the youngster is still not comfortable wearing their diapers you may have to continue the system a few months longer. I suppose it’s possible that it might take some youngsters a year to feel completely comfortable wearing nighttime diapers, but I would think that this wouldn’t happen in the majority of cases. I think that it’s important to periodically remind the youngster that people of all ages wear diapers and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.   

Another point to take into consideration is the following. There is the distinct possibility that some children or teens feel comfortable wearing their diaper to bed but deliberately stop wearing it a few nights in order to keep getting the presents. Parents have to gauge how honest their child or teen is and take this into consideration when using the system. If the parents have a child or teenager that has a history of being dishonest I would be upfront with them and say the following: “I want to make it perfectly clear that if I suspect that you’ve gotten used to wearing the diapers to bed but you’re deliberately skipping a few nights just to continue getting presents there will be serious consequences.” This puts them on alert that you won’t tolerate any funny business. 

Right now I’d like to raise the following point. I honestly feel that the plan I outlined in this chapter will work with the majority of children and teenagers, however if there are holdouts parents may have to take a more firm approach. This in turn raises another question – should parents require their older child or teenager to wear a diaper to bed if they have been unsuccessful curing their bedwetting or if it looks like they might wet the bed their entire life? Most pediatricians and other medical professionals feel that parents should not force their youngster to wear diapers and although I agree with this in principle, I feel that in reality it’s not practical. I think it’s a good idea for the parents to require a youngster to wear a diaper to bed if they haven’t been able to cure the bedwetting for whatever reason. While I don’t feel a parent should be callous about how they approach their youngster about wearing diapers, I do feel that in some cases it’s necessary for the parents to make the ultimate decision in this matter. I address this issue in greater detail in chapters 9 and 10 of this book.

For a while the youngster may feel frustrated and want to give up,  but with the right rewards put into place, and the appropriate amount of encouragement and TLC, over time the youngster will get accustomed to wearing the protection, and in fact he or she wouldn't even think of going to bed without it on.

The Shame of Wearing Diapers

The shame of using diapers for bedwetting is ubiquitous and longstanding, which is unfortunate and completely unwarranted in my opinion. The children and teenagers who wear diapers for bedwetting are ostracized and ridiculed by their peers. Additionally, parents who consider putting an older bedwetting child or teenager in diapers are admonished by the public, medical professionals, and parenting experts. This stigma is endemic and severe.

In researching how widespread this stigma is, I've come across numerous newspaper columns where the aforementioned groups have expressed their dismay of having an older child, teenager, or adult wear diapers to bed.  Several of these remarks, taken from various newspapers over the years, are flagrant examples of how callous and ill-informed people can be about this problem:

• “No woman wants to sleep with someone wearing  diapers.”
• “Granddaughter, 10, should not be wearing diapers.”
• “Is he still going to be wearing diapers to bed when he's in high school?”
• “By putting a kid in a diaper, you're treating them like a baby, and they realize that.”
• “You are correct that using diapers in [sic] a bedwetting 12 year old girl is infantilizing
•  “Keeping him in a diaper is embarrassing and hurtful to his self-esteem.”  
• “I've known parents who have kept their children in diapers at night as late as 7, 8, 9, and even 12 years old but wearing diapers makes a child feel like a baby.” 

In addition to these comments, there were three columns that stuck out in my mind as being particularly egregious examples of how this attitude manifests itself and how it can have devastating effects on a child's self-esteem. In one column a woman wrote in because she was considering purchasing diapers for her 12 year old step daughter with a bedwetting problem and some people were outraged that she'd even consider this. Here are the responses: “I am amazed that a grown woman would consider putting an adolescent in diapers!”, “Please do not use a diaper on your 12 year old daughter. That would be terribly humiliating for her.” Finally, one reader wrote the following: “I beg you not to resort to a diaper on a 12 year old. She's bound to see this as embarrassing, demeaning, and a punishment.”    

    

The second column dealt with a 13 year old girl who was mortified that she and her sisters had to wear diapers and plastic pants to manage their bedwetting. Here  is what she had to say: “I am one of three girls in our family with a bedwetting problem. Our parents insist that any child who wets the bed must remain in both diapers and plastic pants until they are able to remain dry for at least a week. I am 13 and feel I am too old to still be in diapers. My two sisters are seven and 10 years of age and are also too old for diapers. Mom insists that it is not uncommon for girls our age to wear diapers when a bedwetting problem is present. I doubt there are any other girls my age who have to wear them and I am hoping someone will stick up for me.” Here's one reader's response:  “I'm outraged at what your parents are making you wear diapers. To think that making you wear a diaper all these years is just adding to what I consider severe mental anguish.” As a result of this negative press, most individuals lament the use of diapers to cope with their bedwetting. What this poor child did not realize is that her mother was right – even though many people may look askance at an older child wearing a diaper, or their parents who have them wear diapers, wearing them is a lot more common than thought. It's just not discussed much because wearing diapers beyond a certain age is considered taboo by the majority of the public. 

After reading what this girl said, I find it necessary to touch on a very important point. She said her parents insisted on them wearing the diapers and plastic pants to bed, indicating that her parents had a very authoritarian attitude in the manner and were possibly using the diapers and plastic pants as a form of punishment. I find this practice reprehensible, and while I strongly support parents decisions to use diapers on a youngster that wets the bed, parents should not use them in a punitive manner. Unfortunately, I've read about cases where parents have used diapers to punish and/or humiliate their youngster. This is a terrible thing to do to a child or teenager and can have long-lasting psychological repercussions.   

 I have read about other youngsters her age and older who were also embarrassed about wearing diapers to bed. In a book of “Ask Judy” columns written by Judy Blume, in a section called “Embarrassing Problems”, one 14 year old boy who was going to enter high school the following fall said that he wets the bed and when he goes away on sleepovers he has to “swallow his pride and wear two diapers and a pair of rubber pants.” 

The third column had a question sent in from a mother with two sons – one 12 and one 8 – who wet the bed. Here's what she had to say regarding the situation: “This isn't a significant issue in our family since their father wet the bed until he was 14 and his brother – their uncle – was 10 before he quit. They had my husband and his brother wear diapers and rubber pants at night and now my husband wants our boys to do the same thing when we visit the boys grandmother and great aunt.” The father thought it would be easier for everyone if they agreed to wear protection, but the mother felt that he should stand up to his relatives and tell them they'd take care of the wet bedding. Here's how the parenting expert in this column responded: “You and your husband have handled the bedwetting problem so well; don't spoil it now. It's a matter of finding the solution that will embarrass them the least and still consider the sensibilities of your in-laws. Older people are inclined to be more fussy than they were when they were young, and these folks must have been pretty fussy even then or they wouldn't have made their children wear diapers.”   

 It's my hope I can be a source of inspiration, encouragement, and comfort  to those children, teenagers, and adults who feel humiliated about the situation and are having difficulty adjusting to wearing protection to bed. I think it's unfortunate that this attitude is so pervasive and people feel so embarrassed about using a garment that is beneficial for managing this problem, and in the long run can help them cope more effectively with this condition. In my opinion we make too big a deal of this, and to a large extent this is simply a matter of common sense – for example, we use diapers on babies because they have no control over the functioning of their bladder, why should this change just because people get older? If you still have the same problem,  it should be dealt with the same way it is with infants – by using a diaper. My attitude regarding using diapers for bedwetting can be summed up in a very simple manner – if you need them, you need them. Period. 

  

On a positive note, there are children who see the merits of wearing diapers to bed for a bedwetting problem.  For example, in an “Ask Beth” column, the childcare expert Elizabeth Winship had a boy who was about to turn 11 write in about his bedwetting and his use of diapers and rubber pants to manage the problem: “I told my mom I should try diapers so she got me some” and “They make me feel comfortable and secure.” 

Another woman  talked about what she felt were the advantages of wearing diapers and plastic pants to manage her bedwetting when she was growing up. One advantage was that she woke up in a dry bed “which is much more comfortable than a wet bed”, also because she wore diapers there was no need to cover the bed with a plastic sheet, thereby allowing her to be discreet about the problem – by sitting on the bed her friends would notice the crinkling sound the plastic makes when sat on and wearing diapers allowed her to avoid this possibility, the third benefit she mentions of wearing the diapers and plastic pants to bed is the elimination of odors -  “Since your bed stays dry, you don't have to worry about an odor staying in your bedroom all the time.” 

  

 She went on to say: “I know this from personal experience. I wet the bed until I was 14. Because my parents told me that using a diaper was for convenience and not for punishment, I never felt that I was being treated as a “baby” for my problem.” In the column she also talked about her 13 year old daughter who  wet the bed and used disposable diapers to deal with the problem: “She's 13 years old and diapers herself every night without prompting. I keep my end of the deal by making sure none of her friends find out about her problem. My daughter knows her bedwetting will end soon. Until then, the discreet use of diapers can make management of this embarrassing problem much easier to handle, for both the parents and child.” 

 The pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton also weighed in on this. A reader sent in a question to him about two girls he was babysitting who had to wear diapers and plastic pants to bed. The reader asked Dr. Brazelton if he knew of other kids that had to wear diapers to manage their bedwetting. He had this to say – “I’ve had many children in my practice who were enuretic (bedwetters) who needed to wear diapers.” 

Finally, here’s what a 22 year old said in a column from Ann Landers: “I am 22 and still wet the bed occasionally. I’ve ruined mattresses, shocked friends and embarrassed myself plenty – but not in the last 9 years. Whenever I sleep away from home I wear a diaper and rubber pants. Go ahead and laugh but they are undetectable under pajamas and I feel very secure. I’d rather swallow my pride and wear the “baby outfit” than go around ruining mattresses.”

Although some people can be cured of their bedwetting using alarm systems, medications, surgery, and other methods, there are some individuals who wet the bed their entire life. The National Association for Continence (NAFC) outlines many of the reasons for adult bedwetting: spinal cord injuries, obstructive sleep apnea, neurological diseases, stress, genetics, hormone imbalances, small bladder, diabetes, various medications, including psychiatric and insomnia medications, anatomical abnormalities, as well as other causes. “And sometimes”, as the NAFC says, “there can be seemingly no cause at all, which makes it all the more frustrating to address.” As a result there will always be a certain number of individuals who have to wear protection at night their entire life.    

          

Here's how one adult describes his experiences and feelings dealing with adult bedwetting, including steps he takes to manage the problem (also taken from the NAFC website): “At night I wear a fitted brief, which is an adult diaper. Initially it was very upsetting, but it gets better with time. Wearing a diaper keeps me dry, my bed dry, my girlfriend dry, and I get a good night’s sleep. It took me a while to get over the hump of accepting that this was what I had to wear to bed, but eventually I got over it. Now it is just a thing I do at night, no different than brushing my teeth and flossing. The best thing to do is accept that you have the condition and take steps to manage it. Look into products like mattress protectors, bed pads or even diapers. I'm 29 and know how frustrating it is. But I've accepted that diapers are my best option for me. Trust me, taking off a wet diaper in the morning is WAY better than having to change and launder sheets and clothes.” Another adult from the NAFC website had the following words of advice: “If your bedwetting is treatable, see the necessary doctors and get it treated. However, if it's chronic and not going to go away, acceptance and management with good diapers are the keys. "Suffering" is optional. I recommend just getting on with your life. Incontinence in general and bedwetting in particular are nuisances that need not ruin your life unless you let them. So don't let them do so.”             

I'd like to offer my sympathy to those individuals who are denigrated  for wearing diapers to manage their bedwetting. I strongly feel that this way of thinking is antiquated and should have gone the way of the quill pen and horse and buggy – it's taking an unenlightened view of the matter. I can't emphasize this enough – there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You're taking ownership of the problem and doing what's necessary to manage the issue. Wearing diapers is no different than wearing a cast for a broken arm, eyeglasses, or any other type of medical equipment.  In chapter two, I talk about how parents have traditionally managed their child or teenager's bedwetting including the pluses and minuses of each approach and why wearing diapers to bed might be the best option in some circumstances.           

The Taboo Behind the Taboo of Incontinence

It's an issue the majority of people don't want to discuss and when they do talk about it they do so in hushed tones. Cheryle B. Gartley, president of the Simon Foundation for Continence says “Bedwetting is a closet issue within the closet issue of urinary incontinence. There is such stigma attached to adult bedwetting that most people don't even ask for help.”   The clinical term for it is nocturnal enuresis and though most people associate it with children and adolescents, there are a significant number of people who deal with this issue their entire life. Adult bedwetting may be more prevalent than people realize but due to the stigma surrounding this condition the exact figures may never be known. Many people perceive wetting the bed as being infantile behavior, says Dr. Elaine Ducharme, a Glastonbury, Conn., clinical psychologist who’s worked with several patients with enuresis. “I try to help my patients understand that this is a medical issue and that they’re not alone,” says Ducharme, who has a background in nursing. “But it’s a tough issue for many adults because of the sense that ‘grown-ups don’t do this.’”            

The National Association for Continence (NAFC) has this to say regarding adult bedwetting: “Adult bedwetting. It's a rarely talked about condition, but is one that affects many people. In fact, NAFC receives more visits to the adult bedwetting pages than any other pages on our site. People struggle with this condition for all sorts of reasons – spinal cord injuries, neurological diseases, and even stress can cause bedwetting. And sometimes there can be seemingly no cause at all, which makes it all the more frustrating to address. Most people who wet the bed are desperate for a solution. They find it deeply embarrassing, and it greatly affects their quality of life, as they are constantly dealing with keeping things clean and worried about how it will affect current or future relationships.”      

This article discusses my experiences with adult bedwetting. I have several reasons for writing this article. One reason is to provide suggestions on how to tell your significant other you wear nighttime protection because you wet the bed. The fact that you have to wear protection to bed is a very difficult topic to broach with your loved ones, but there are ways to discuss it in a way that can put both you and your loved ones at ease – using humor is one way to do this. Another is to discuss what I feel are the most effective forms of protection to manage nighttime urinary incontinence (if you're sharing the bed with someone else you want to make sure they're protected too). The final reason is to offer suggestions on how we  can alleviate the stigma surrounding wearing incontinence garments to manage bedwetting – there is a great deal of stigma associated with wearing diapers to manage incontinence, especially with those individuals who suffer from bedwetting – many people call diapers “babyish” - and there is a brief section in my article that discusses one possible way we can alleviate this stigma. 

I wet the bed throughout my childhood and still have nighttime accidents as an adult. I'll turn 52 this June and although part of me feels embarrassed and ashamed about having this problem, another part of me manages to have a sense of perspective and a sense of humor about it. Most adults in this situation wear protection at night to maintain comfort, hygiene, and make clean up easier. Some of these individuals feel ashamed about having to wear adult diapers to bed. This can be particularly embarrassing for those who wear disposable tape tab style diapers as they have to deal with the tell tale crinkling sound the diaper makes under their PJs as they move around, caused by the plastic outer cover of the diaper.                  

Perhaps one of the biggest challenges facing adults that have a bedwetting problem is telling their boyfriend or girlfriend they wear protection to bed – after all it can be quite daunting telling your significant other you have to put on jumbo size pin-on cloth diapers and plastic baby pants or jumbo size Pampers before going to bed. This is a terrifying prospect for most individuals but it helps to be able to laugh about it and there are a number of ways individuals can use humor to cope with the situation. This advice may also be helpful for parents  of an older child or teenager who may be having difficulty adjusting to wearing diapers to manage their bedwetting.         

I sleep in adult size prefold nighttime cloth diapers fastened with diaper pins and covered with an adult size pair of pull-on plastic pants (also known as “vinyl pants” - vinyl being a type of plastic) to protect my bed at night. As a brief aside (and to clear up some confusion) these pants are also called “rubber pants” by some people even though this is a misnomer - “rubber pants” were the style of baby pants worn over pin-on style cloth diapers before the advent of vinyl and plastic in the late 40s and were made out of actual rubber. At some point people started using the term “rubber pants” as a generic term for the waterproof pants used by mothers over their babies diapers. As a result, a lot of people used the term “rubber pants” even when referring to plastic pants. This seemed to catch on with incontinent adults as well, as some of them also use the term “rubber pants” when talking about plastic pants. 

For those who may not be familiar with this style of diapering, pin-on cloth diapers with plastic baby pants worn over top were the style of diapers and waterproof pants traditionally used by parents on their babies for many years. They make adult size versions of the pin-on style cloth diapers and plastic baby pants and although some consider pin-on style diapers and plastic pants old fashioned, these diapers and waterproof pants are an excellent choice for managing heavier forms of incontinence such as bedwetting. For additional absorbency you can add diaper liners (also called “diaper doublers”) to the diaper. Currently I use the Leakmaster brand diaper liner made by Adultclothdiaper.com.

I've also used adult size disposable diapers with tape tabs (or “disposable briefs”) to manage my bedwetting. “Disposable briefs” are form fitting disposable undergarments that look and fit just like baby diapers such as Pampers, Luvs, and Huggies – they have an “hourglass” shape, tape tabs for fastening the garments, elastic leg gathers to prevent leaks, a waterproof outer cover made of cloth or plastic, and many also have elastic waistbands also designed to prevent leaks. As with cloth diapers you can also add liners to the disposable diapers to increase absorbency.   

In addition to wearing diapers to bed, it's also a good idea to have the bed covered with some type of waterproof sheet – even though it may not happen that often, diapers occasionally leak, and it's good to have something put into place for those just-in-case moments. There are a wide variety of waterproof covers in both reusable and disposable form. There are disposable underpads, flannel/rubber sheets which has a flannel top bonded to rubber on the botttom, and vinyl sheets (more commonly called plastic sheets). The vinyl sheets come in both zippered, which fits around the whole mattress, and fitted forms. I have a fitted 7 mil vinyl mattress cover which I purchased from Adultclothdiaper.com (also known as All Together Enterprises). Although this cover is more expensive than most, it's made of the thickest vinyl on the market which makes it more durable than other vinyl covers. I place the vinyl sheet directly under the fitted top sheet. In order to keep the fitted  sheet from sliding off the plastic I use 4 sheet straps in each corner of the mattress to hold the fitted sheet down. The brand is Sheet Suspenders, which come in a pack of 4.

 One of the purposes in writing it is to offer some tips on how to approach your loved one about having to wear overnight protection to manage your bedwetting. This can be a nerve-racking prospect for most people, but there are ways to make it easier to have a conversation about it. The following are some things you can say to your partner or friend to break the news of your bedwetting and use of protection in a lighthearted way: 

• “I have a problem with bedwetting and I need to wear a diaper to bed. If I don't wear protection at night the bed will be flooded so bad the local government will have to declare a state of emergency for my bedroom and they'll have to call in FEMA.” 
• “I wet the bed every night and have to wear diapers and plastic pants at night. If I don't wear  them to bed we'll have to put some sandbags around the bed.” 
• “I predict there's going to be flash floods tonight so I better put on my diapers before going to bed.”   
• “I haven't told you this yet but I wet the bed. I need to wear diapers at night so we don't wake up with a rainbow in the room 
•  “I wanted to let you know that I wet the bed every night. To manage it I wear adult diapers to bed – it's either that or wear a raincoat to bed.”                 
• “I have to tell you something – I wet the bed. I found the best way to manage it is by sleeping in adult diapers. At first I thought about wearing a life preserver or life jacket to bed but decided to wear a diaper instead.”    
• “I'd like to talk to you about a medical condition I've had since I was a child. It's very embarrassing to talk about but I've managed to keep my sense of humor about it. I have to wear diapers and plastic pants to bed because I have a bedwetting problem. Otherwise we'll need to buy a wet vac to clean up the bedroom in the morning.” 
• “I have a problem with wetting the bed and wear diapers to manage the problem – this way we don't have to buy some canoes  to row our way out of the bedroom in the morning.” 
• “I need to talk to you about a health problem I have. I wet the bed every night and wear adult size diapers to manage it. This is the best way to deal with the issue. The only alternative is to buy flood insurance.”    
• “Do you remember the song “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”? My theme song is “Raindrops Keep Falling from My Bed.”      
• “I have to talk to you about a medical problem I've dealt with for a long time. It's called nocturnal enuresis which is the clinical term for bedwetting. I wear diapers to keep me and the bed from getting waterlogged.”   
• Here is another humorous way to break the news that you have to wear diapers and plastic pants at night because you wet the bed – you can say something along these lines: “Our local theater group is doing a play on Paul Bunyan and here are some props from the play. These are Paul Bunyan's baby   clothes: here's his diapers and here's his baby pants.”      

These are just some of the things you can say to ease the situation and help you cope with the problem. They can also be used to tell a young child that mommy or daddy wears diapers because they still pee the bed. It's extremely difficult if not impossible to keep bedwetting a secret from other members of the family – especially with younger children. After all, young children being the curious individuals they are, are natural explorers and it's only a matter of time before they notice plastic pants drying on the clothes line or adult size Pampers in the bedroom. Or after the parent diapers himself or herself before going to bed the child or children may barge in the bedroom and see mommy or daddy diapered. It's good to be prepared for this type of contingency. Young children as many people will attest, are not noted for their subtlety and often don't hesitate to say immediately what comes to mind -  so when your 5 or 7 year old daughter asks “Daddy why are you wearing plastic underwear – do you pee in bed?” or “Why is daddy wearing jumbo size Pampers – does he wet the bed?” it's good to be able to respond in a funny manner. Keeping the bedwetting and diaper use discreet is even more tricky on vacations. This is why it's good to have a sense of humor about this and hopefully the suggestions offered will help – you may think of additional things to say to your loved ones. Here are a few ways to respond to a young child after they discover you wear protection to bed - “You know how they use dams to prevent cities and farmland from being flooded – well the diapers and plastic pants I wear to bed are like a dam that prevents the bed from being flooded when daddy pees at night”, “If daddy doesn't wear diapers and plastic pants at night it'll be like Niagara Falls in our bedroom”, finally you can say this - “Daddy is a superhero and the diapers and plastic pants give me superpowers – in my case the powers to keep both myself and the bed dry.”       

Hopefully over time we can eliminate the stigma associated with using diapers to manage bedwetting with people of all ages and get over our hang-ups in this area. One way to do this is change our ideas and conceptions about diapers. I believe one important step to take in changing our attitudes in this matter is to redefine the word diaper. Most definitions of diaper define it as being a garment worn by babies. If I were responsible for writing the definition of diaper found in dictionaries I'd write something like this:  "An absorbent, waterproof, protective undergarment made of either reusable or disposable material which is drawn up between the legs and fastened at the waist by tape tabs, diaper pins, or other methods. It is designed to be used for several purposes: for managing episodes of incontinence experienced by babies and young children before they are potty trained; for providing protection for children, teenagers, and adults that suffer from incontinence due to various medical conditions; as well as providing protection for children, teenagers, and adults that wet the bed."             

It helps to have a sense of humor about it which includes being able to take some good natured ribbing about it as well as the ability to laugh at yourself.  Even though you might feel depressed about your bedwetting and using protection to deal with it keep in mind you're not the only one – there are plenty of us in the same leaky boat!